The Shorax
A cautionary tale
With apologies to Dr. Seuss and his classic story, ÒThe Lorax.Ó
After the time of Red Jacket and Tonto,
before the water turned pink
and Roseland was a condo,
a voice called me here and I had to obey it,
here to the shores of Lake Canusayit.
A glorious place, with plenty of beaches,
frolicked upon by fun-loving Sneetches.
The water, it sparkled in summer or winter,
and Trumpet-Fish jumped in your boat for dinner.
In no time at all, I had hung up my shingle.
If you wanted land, you just gave me a jingle.
With great skillful skill and great speedy speed,
I sold so many houses, I practically peed.
People all called up their brothers and aunts,
and said, ÒListen, here's a wonderful chance
for us to get our piece of the pie.
Get over here fast, take a left at Lake Drive.Ó
To the beaches and bistros flocked the Yup-puppie dudes,
frisking about in theÊYup-puppie suits.
They played in the shade andÊdrank grapula wine
made on the hilltops of Lake Canusayit.
Then, Oh baby, oh!
How my business did grow!
Now selling one lot at a time was too slow.
The people wanted bigger, and bigger they got.
We biggered the houses, we biggered the plots.
A kajillion square feet, not counting the pool,
(And another oneÕs building 4 feet over from you.)
One beautiful day, while chopping down trees,
I met a strange man, he came up to my knees.
ÒMister,Ó he said, his voice like a rake.
ÒI am Max Shorax, and I speak for the lake.
Now stop all this building, for everyoneÕs sake.Ó
ÒYour dozers are bulling the trees to the ground,
so there's not enough shade or birds to go ' round.
The grapula growers sold out in a hurry,
now we have to drink wine that comes from New Jersey.Ó
ÒLook Shorax,Ó I said, ÒThere's no reason for moaning.
I'm doing no harm; it's all R-1 zoning.
Yup-puppies know what the meaning of ÒsharesÓ is.
You've got yourses, now they want theirses.Ó
Soon the shoreline got crowded, so we built them on stilts.
We built them on swamps, we built them on fill.
And way on the top of Tippy Top Hill,
we built one so high, it would make your blood curdle,
and the view there was better than Yertle the TurtleÕs.
The space it got tighter, and the people got richer.
The shelves atÊthe store carried Caviar Helper.
The lake water smelled like a WumbusÔs derriŽre,
but it didn't much matter, we always drank Perrier.
I remember one day, I was chewing tobacco,
and Shorax came back, that environmentalist wacko.
ÒAll these Crunk-Cars,Ó he griped, Òmake such smogulous smoke,
The Zu-Zu Birds are getting it stuck in their throats.Ó
ÒAnd thanks to that Oobleck you spray on the lawns,
you're glumping the lake where the Trumpet-Fish spawn.
And haven't you noticed there are no more Sneetches,
They left when the Yup-puppies bought all the beaches!Ó
ÒNow even the Yup-pups are moving away,
Living here now costs more than their pay.Ó
ÒGood luck, boys,Ó he said, as he sent them away.
ÒI hope they find food, and a decent lattŽ .Ó
I kinda felt sad as I watched them all go,
but property values must continue to grow,
regardless of Yup-puppies tummies, you know.
And at that very moment, we heard a loud pound!
From Town Hall there came the sickening sound,
of a stamp on a deed, and the clerks there went wild.
The very last lakeside deed had been filed!
No more plots. No more plats.
No more density changes.
No more flagstone verandas with Jenny-Aire ranges.
Every house had been built, every lot had been took.
The lakeshore was spoken for, and the hillsides to boot.
Now all that was left Õneath the smoke-smuggered sky,
was my big empty model home,
Max Shorax,
and I.
As he turned to go, he said ÒDidn't I warn ya?
Now Canusayit is like California.Ó
I knew he was right, and my heart became weary.
We sold out the lake just like Tahoe and Erie.
But business is business, so I rolled up my sleeve,
and found a new project for which I must leave.
It used to be great here, though I can hardly recall it,
Now I have to move on to Lake Whatchamacallit.
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